Archive for April, 2008

The Gift

April 13, 2008

” ‘It’s so cool that the warden service has a chaplain to keep us from freaking out’ …

‘Ah.’ I smiled. ‘I’m not really here to keep you from freaking out. I’m here to be with you while you freak out,’…It is a ministry of presence. It is showing up with a loving heart.”

Kate Braestrup, from her book, Here If You Need Me, recounting a conversation with a mom she sat with during a search for the woman’s lost child, and her observation of what her real job is as chaplain in the Maine Warden Service.

The Post – Someone With More Wisdom Than Me

April 13, 2008

Today I’m going to do something out of character for me, I’m going to shut up. 🙂

Actually, I have this piece posted in my work area. It’s wisdom to me is so complete, I feel to try and add anything, would weaken its strength. So today, I will share it, and step out of its way.

The Difference Between Strength & Courage (Author Unknown)

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains,
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

The Gift

April 12, 2008

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

George Eliot

The Gift

April 11, 2008

“If you are living in love, you are in heaven no matter where you are… If you are not in love, you are in hell, no matter where you are. The stories we tell of heaven and hell are not about how we die, but about how we live.”

Kate Braestrup, from her book: Here If You Need Me

The Gift

April 10, 2008

“We have to hope that there is always something better around the corner. We doubt our ability to rise to meet hardship, and we do everything in our power to avoid it. We have to dig down, to believe unfailingly in the ability of the human spirit to triumph in ways we didn’t think possible. To make the choice to be resilient, ultimately to bounce back, is to make the choice to be grateful, as grateful as possible for the cards you’ve been dealt.”

Lee Woodruff, from her book In An Instant: A Family’s Journey of Love and Healing

The Post – From the Almighty: “Incoming!”

April 10, 2008

“If I bore the sins of all in My agonized heart…on Calvary, then when you seek to punish others whom you despise, you punish and despise me.”

From the April 3rd reading in God at Eventide

This one caught me off guard the first time I read it years ago. It was one of those entries you read, swallow hard, remember how many times you were guilty of this, and you hope nobody else finds out because you feel like a jerk.

Then there’s that moment of fear, that “I mere mortal, have probably pissed off God” and you start looking over your shoulder for the incoming lightening bolt.

The truth is, the God I believe in, is not about vengeance. A God of total love doesn’t need to have vengeance. Humans often want it, but a being of total love can’t even comprehend that. So, I don’t expect there’ll be any cries of “INCOMING” from the Almighty.

Frankly though, after I thought about it, I almost wanted the lightening bolt. Instead of anger, what I heard in those words was sorrow. God helped somebody, set them free, and I came along and dumped all over everyone. Who wants to admit making God feel bad? Makes you almost want to volunteer for hell, just to make God feel better.

The reality is that’s not the answer, and hell isn’t even a creation of God. We create it. It’s within. There was joy and love until I came along like the rain cloud and crabbed at someone. I did it thinking I’d feel better, in the end I felt worse. I created my own hell….and spread it around.

So, I guess, maybe the answer to prevent pain for both me and God, can be found in the Buddhist idea of “come back to the breath.” As you open your mouth to retort, instead of letting words out, first, breathe in. At least it will take you a couple seconds longer to say something you’ll regret later. And who knows, you might even say something you won’t regret as much. I don’t imagine God expects miracles. He might actually smile to hear a few less insults thrown. You count your progress where you can…. 🙂

The Post – The Odd Couple: Walter Winchell & Mother Teresa

April 9, 2008

It’s interesting that Walter Winchell and Mother Teresa said something very similar even though the two were worlds apart. Winchell invented the gossip column and initially hung out with gangsters. Mother Teresa looked after the poor. But both understood something about real friendship I guess.

Winchell commented that a true friend walks in the door when everyone else walks out. I imagine he must have known that firsthand, given he spilled many a secret on many a celebrity. I expect he knew the value of a real friend, working in a world where what was real, was hard to tell.

Mother Teresa once commented that “If I ever become a Saint — I will surely be one of ‘darkness.’ I will continually be absent from Heaven — to light the light of those in darkness on earth.”

Her love for those she worked with here was such that the idea of leaving anyone behind while she went off to paradise, was not something she could abide. She lived in a world of looking after all of those the world walked out on. In life, it was Mother Teresa who walked in the door. In death, I expect she has probably found a way to continue to do that, if only as a cool breeze on the face of a sick person in the noon heat, a star glowing brighter than the others in the night sky, or one of those fleeting moments of hope during a day of total despair.

A true friend walks in, walks beside, can’t abide leaving someone behind. An odd couple, Walter Winchell and Mother Teresa.

The Gift

April 9, 2008

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

Walter Winchell

The Gift

April 9, 2008

“Don’t be impatient for the Lord to act! Keep traveling steadily along His pathway and in due season He will honor you with every blessing.”

Psalm 37:34

The Post – The Fiddler Babies: Death, Another Pregnancy, and the “Status Quo” Experiment.

April 8, 2008

Okay. I’ve been silent on the fiddler crabs for the last week. It’s been a week. First, let’s cut to the chase. I lost again on the babies. But again, I have more knowledge on what worked and what didn’t, so next time, I might be closer to an answer. But before I get into that, let’s back up to where things were at last Wed afternoon:

Notes from Wed afternoon:

The ammonia monitor is still partway between “alert” and “safe.” The dipstick nitrite test is down from 0.5 ppm but “not quite” zero. There’s a “trace.” I redid the nitrite test using a tube test, which verifies that. The tube test result showed <0.25 ppm nitrites, but not zero. Still, an improvement.

Numbers of fiddler babies is down some more, but still many. I got some frozen baby brine shrimp and the fiddler babies seem pleased with that.

By the way, PetsMart had three or four kinds of frozen brine shrimp, all of which were little brown frozen cubes. Except for one, labeled baby brine shrimp and it was pink and clear. The lady there said it was the best of the three and was the only thing she gave her fish. It’s called Hikari Bio-Pure Baby Brine Shrimp. It has 40 little pink frozen cubes. I used about half a cube to feed the babies. They are smaller cubes than the ones in the other packages but then, they are really the Grade A Prime frozen baby brine shrimp. 🙂 So they survived not getting the live stuff.

RE the water quality, I also decided to add some of the API Stress Zyme liquid I have. It’s supposed to be a biological filter booster. The man at FishPros said those liquids don’t do that much as they don’t have the right bacteria, those only develop over time, but still said it doesn’t hurt things. So I added some. Figured any boost to the filtering wasn’t a bad thing.

And call me weird, but since the “clear water” in the tank represented a decline in water quality, and the turbid white cloud water was an improvement (turbid because thousands of tiny fiddler babies were churning up the aragonite sand), I decided to act like a “large fiddler baby.” I took my plastic spoon and stirred up the sand on the bottom myself. Curious to see if that helps things. It also stirred up food sitting on the tank bottom that hadn’t been eaten. Perhaps that’s a good thing too. I noticed many tiny fiddler babies flying around in the swirling food, so I think it’s the fiddler baby equivalent of a buffet….

Thursday:

Clear water. No babies. Ammonia level slipping back up to alert.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday

No babies.

Monday

Water quality – ammonia indicator almost back down to “Safe.”

So. What happened?

This time around, the nitrites never got anywhere near as high as the last time. The babies were doing great and loved the aragonite sand and the reef rock. All was on track. Then death was sudden. Now certainly I know you can lose a lot of them during their first few molts. No doubt that might have been some of it…though between the aragonite sand and the reef rock, they had adequate calcium for molting. The live rock was growing a healthy crop of algae cover. And they had brine shrimp to follow up the Small Fry liquid fish food and the Kent Marine ZooPlex, all good foods. So they were getting the right foods, and enough food. And they even got more air than the last group because I took the big air bubbler that was in the brine shrimp container and moved it and its air pump over to the babies’ tank. In fact, that may have helped keep the water quality between the safe and alert range for ammonia.

I think my engineer husband put into words my own suspicions, the one nagging concern I had all along, and it’s the one unanswered question in my mind. Salinity. Either the change in salinity from brackish to marine was too much for them, or that change affected something else in the tank that did kill them. The fact that they all died off in one fell swoop very abruptly, indicates again, something tank-wide that affected everybody.

Re changing salinity from brackish to marine – maybe out in the estuary, the transition from brackish to marine is slower and hence they adjust fine with being at sea. So perhaps even though I raised the salinity in stages, maybe it was still to abrupt for the tiny larvae.

Or maybe they really just don’t tolerate a marine environment no matter what the research papers say. These are the species of fiddlers that like things to be the ‘least’ marine.

Another problem though in switching the tank from brackish to marine, is that you are possibly disrupting the “stability” of the tank’s nitrogen cycle. For one thing, I read that as the salinity goes up, so does the pH. Once the pH rises, the nitrites and ammonia levels rise. As nitrites rise, the nitrogen cycle has to absorb that. Not a problem if you have a mature tank that’s been established for that pH and salinity. But if the balance is messed up by changing a parameter like salinity, maybe that disrupts things enough, at least for such tiny creatures as larvae.

I don’t know the answer…yet. I only know that I had a very successful tank going and happy babies, until I changed the salinity. Within a day or two, all were dead.

So. Next time, I am going to leave them in brackish water and see what happens.

Will there be a next time? Well….I’m fairly certain it’ll happen, especially since Scarlett O’Hara is PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!!!! I noticed that right after I put her back in the main tank, she took to living in the water filter. I thought, no, she can’t be getting ready to have more babies. She JUST delivered. I know that both times now, just before we saw Scarlett carrying around babies, she spent some time on top of or inside of the water filter.

Today, since I’d not seen her out in the main tank AT ALL for days, I pulled the water filter cartridge out and she jumped down into the tank water. I did a double take. SHE IS PREGNANT AGAIN.

In reading up on crab sex, apparently the female can store the sperm for months at a time. So I guess multiple pregnancies can happen even if she doesn’t mate again.

I have decided for this pregnancy to do the “status quo” experiment, ie just leave her in that main tank. I have no idea how far along she is, I have no time to turn the nursery tank around and re-prepare it for another delivery. So this time I am going to leave her in the main tank, which is brackish, leave the water filter on, and if any babies survive, great. If not, no big deal. And it’s the one set of conditions I haven’t tried yet – just leave it all alone and see what happens.

I frankly would be surprised to see babies survive, but, who knows. In the meantime, I will go ahead, clean out the nursery tank, re-establish it with clean brackish water, and I think I will even try that method of “fishless cycling” that the UK website mentioned – ie establish the nitrogen cycle without fish. At the very least, by the next time someone is pregnant again, the tank will be clean, mature, brackish, and ready for another try at this. NOT QUITTING YET!!!