About the only thing I can say for 1981 was that, with few exceptions, it was “dormant.”
I gardened. And continued to wrestle with where and how to live.
I survived home.
I went to work. Did my job. And seemed to grow more confident in my skills.
The exceptions
The dog died.
And on this count, it shows how totally out of touch all of us were, emotionally, because the entire night before we had to put the dog down — she was dying of cancer — we hid downstairs in the basement playing a game, rather than sitting with the dog. The only one with the courage and emotional awareness to sit with and comfort the dog was our cat. That speaks volumes.
Maybe the most interesting and unexpected thing came in December, when one of my co-workers, who was very skilled in astrology, read my palm. I did it mostly as a lark, more a fun moment on a quiet afternoon. I’d never done that before, or since. I did it more as a curiosity for what he might say.
I will also note that, while he was a co-worker, I didn’t work that closely with him, and he knew little of my actual life outside of the lab. Yet, the reason I have kept his comments all these years is that he got so much right. Even the few other things that were a bit off were still darn “close.”
Whether he was psychic or just saw a lot in the amount of time he did interact with me, I can’t say. But at the time, I tucked away his comments in my journal, and only re-read them now, as I wrote this. Pretty darn close….
The palm reading
“Square hands…that shows I have stability; I am dependable. Yet while I show some caution, in other areas I show recklessness, willingness to take a gamble or a chance.
Life line: long, firm, strong. Interference with many small lines in the top half shows frequent conflicts in my early years with people, continuing into my late 20s, but closer to 30, I will come into my own. People’s opinions, attitudes won’t matter much; conflicts disappear, become peaceful, calm, and happy.
Hands show many traits that seem to contradict, which causes much turmoil – but this actually makes for a good balance; it leads to soul searching, personal growth.
Very imaginative, creative, Strong mind. Open mind. Much pride in work.
I like to collect things, all sorts. Somewhat psychic in dreams – things that may not seem to make sense.
Very strong willpower and sense of values; many times I want to give up, chuck it all, let loose and go wild, but won’t because I know I wouldn’t think much of myself if I did. Stubborn. Tenacious. Can and will endure a lot, quietly, won’t give up. Stick with my instincts and values – Things right now look bleak, but it will pay off. I’m on the right track, so hold out for what I want.
There’s been much conflict internally since my teen years…about who I am. I’m practical and have a good understanding of how things really are, but also very idealistic….I have a dream about how things should be and try to make it that way, and I get frustrated when I can’t do it. I can see beyond the small picture, ie, see the world in a larger light and realize what’s really important.
The internal conflicts will soon come to an end – right now, I still don’t feel like my own person, still struggling, but within 1-3 years, this will be resolved. Things will suddenly start to fall into place. Will really blossom in my 30s-40s – these will be very good years….The second quarter to third of my life – much peace and happiness.
I am very ambitious and will be successful. My present experiences with leadership are difficult, but I will learn much. I will eventually be in a position of leadership, but I will be totally comfortable in this position. I will probably stay in this field (or something very similar) for another 5-12 years, then something else, maybe not totally different, will become more important, and I will work in that and be successful. Probably change jobs about 5 years at each job.
However, a career is not a very big thing in my life — I will find that having a home, family is most important.
At the moment, though it seems like there is no one on the horizon, there are two strong relationships in my life with at least one showing children. Relationship very soon – suddenly – out of nowhere, maybe a new person, or a renewal of an old one, only on a totally new level, within the next 1-2 years; may have some struggles two years from now, but after that, peace. The man will have to be from a similar background and interests. Has to be a man secure in his own right and who is willing to give me a lot of rope. Any man who tries to own me or dominate me won’t last.
Very independent, couldn’t survive living in a city; I need a country environment, homesteading, like animals, want them around.
Communication problems – tendency to keep it all in, but here, a contradiction too: torn between not saying anything and a strong desire to let it out and tell someone.
Health problems: upper and lower GI, maybe gyn, lots of headaches. Upper back – Be careful of heavy lifting.
Family relationships are good, however….there is…some conflict with someone……there are differences…..
His reaction at this point was almost shock…it was strong, and he stopped suddenly, as if he knew or saw something he didn’t expect and didn’t want to say. To this day, I have always wondered what he saw or thought.”
But it was his last comment that really hit home in reading it now:
“I mostly don’t realize how good a future I have coming up.”
And he was right. It was going to be a battle to get there, a long one for sure.
But in the end…he would be right about that.
Soul Mosaic 
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