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Scheduled for Jan 22 at 8:00 am
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Why Waste Time?
One thing Ed and I are compatible about is that when we have decided to do something, we just get to it. No point in taking our time. So we were engaged in November 1987, and we got married in February 1988. Not a lot of time to plan a wedding, but then, we were both quiet and private people. It would be a small wedding – about 25 people. Very close family, and a couple of friends.
I got to work with the arrangements. Unlike all of my family, who were married by my uncle, a priest, we were to be married by the local Congregational minister, in a French restaurant named “Apricots,” which overlooked the river in Farmington. The vows would be said upstairs in the bar room, and the dinner would be in the large dining room right across the hall.
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The man at Apricots was efficient. I wanted a string quartet to play chamber music, especially Mozart. He arranged for that through the University of Hartford music school. I wanted a small cake, with the top layer being carrot cake – Ed’s favorite. Done. He arranged for the flowers. We picked out the meal. He had a photographer. I arranged for a picture with my grandmother the day of the wedding. She was living in a convalescent home near me, so Ed and I would stop there first, before the wedding, on our way to the restaurant.
Other than carrot cake, Ed’s one request was that the printed invitations be “engraved.” That is the method of printing raised-letter invitations using custom-made metal plates. That seemed like a beautiful idea so I found a printer to do that for us.
We splurged on our honeymoon and arranged for a 10-day Caribbean cruise, something extremely exotic for both of us. I took care of getting all the paperwork for the licenses, camera equipment we would take, and made sure we both had our passports ready.
The dress
Given the situation with my family, I shopped for my dress alone. That had some sad feelings. It is usually a big thing with mothers and daughters, bridesmaids, and friends. But that was not to be.
I didn’t want the expensive, fancy wedding gown. Remembering how my grandmother’s wedding picture showed her in a tea-length dress, I opted for that approach. While “fashion” was not my strong suit, I went to the nicest shop in town and eventually found an ivory, tea-length dress – understated elegance in my opinion. And as for attendants’ dresses, I wanted to keep it inexpensive. So I told them to wear a nice dress of their own.
The day arrives
Ed’s job, which was demanding, kept him at work late. He didn’t get home until 2:00 a.m. the morning of our wedding. As we dressed, I asked him if this one time, he would iron his shirt…never a thing he cared about. I promised I would never ask again and would even bury him in a wrinkled shirt. He laughed and complied.
It had snowed the day before, so wearing my wedding dress and dark boots, we headed to my grandmother’s convalescent home. She was ready and waiting, along with the photographer, and was all smiles. The people there even made sure to do her hair for the picture.
While the plan was to have the ceremony, then open the bar, I took one look around all the tense faces and told the host, “Open the bar.”
He looked at me, shocked, and said, “Before the wedding?!”
With no hesitation, I told him, “Open the bar. Give everyone a drink, and then we’ll get married.” It was the best decision. Suddenly, everyone seemed to relax and started chatting and smiling like they were sitting in a friend’s living room instead of a restaurant. In fact, one of my relatives, after the ceremony, joked that if church was more like this, he’d go more often!
In spite of our history, my father walked me up to the minister. I had been attending the local Congregational church in Torrington, and he was very happy to officiate at our wedding.
Pina coladas in the sunshine
Even though another snowstorm was due, we managed to make our early Sunday morning flight out of Connecticut before it hit. We landed in Miami and were transported to the pier by the cruise line representative. Everything for the next ten days would be taken care of for us. No logistics. Only choices: what drinks did we want, what food would we choose, what port tours would we take.
Waiting for the ship to depart, we sat out on deck, soaking up warm sunshine — such a switch from the gray snow-covered landscape we left a few hours ago.
It was absolutely perfect. Warm. Calm. With my best friend. Sipping pina coladas. Honeymoons are funny in that they are both a celebration of where you’ve come to in life, as well as the “calm before the storm” of life. And there are even moments that remind you this is a temporary bit of paradise. One morning, a few days later, I looked over at Ed and suddenly thought, “I just committed the rest of my life to him!” It wasn’t regret. Just the full impact and importance of what I’d just done. And the morning in the shower, when Ed’s brand-new wedding band, still with a sharp edge, cut his nose as he washed his face. He had that same moment of, “So…is this marriage?”
But at that moment, sitting there with the drink in my hand, I was totally relaxed. I leaned my head back to feel the sun on my face while soft music played in the background, and I recall the sudden thought that flashed in my mind, “How long will life let us be this peaceful before something disturbs it?”
The answer was, Not long. The period of peaceful fun was about to switch gears.
Soul Mosaic 
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