Since my parents’ return from Texas to Connecticut, I had slowly tried to work out a way to maintain boundaries, but still have some kind of connection with them. There was always a careful dance between us, but we were trying to see if there was, to use the Buddhist term, a “Middle” path.
While I did all the work to set up the wedding by myself, my father gave me the same amount of money to use toward our wedding expenses that he had used for each of my siblings’ weddings. And my mother did throw me a bridal shower.
A day of joy
In spite of that, our wedding day was filled with moments of pure bliss and celebration. Photos with Ed, my father-in-law, and my grandmother all reflect the pure joy.
Yet the undercurrents of my family system were also there.
I never noticed it in earlier years, but to look back at the photos now is to understand how much more a photo captures than just what was posed.
About that “walk down the aisle”
We kept it traditional, and he walked me down the aisle. But he had his mask on. And I had my guard up. At least it was a very short aisle…
And the photo with the parents. Mom and I were at odds more often than not. Including during that time period. But she knew how to smile like everything was fine. And Dad…was Dad.
In case one would think it was just one photo that didn’t do him justice:
The smile never quite reaches the eyes
To me, there is no warmth. Just eyes always scanning, assessing. When out with others, his facade was always in place, but I knew who he was behind closed doors. And always, no matter where he was, the expressions were always the same.
In looking at my father-in-law versus my father, side-by-side, they were two totally different men. My father-in-law was not a perfect man, but he was truly happy that day.
If ever a photo could predict the future….
If I were to choose the images from that day that would predict where our future would take us, it would be these. Because our battles were only just beginning.
Soul Mosaic 
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