FINALLY!!! A totally FUN and joyous entry to write!
Just like that Robert Frost poem – Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood….
We were in the midst of Ed’s health struggles. I was volunteering at the science museum and LOVING it. But still, there was no immediate chance for a job, and only a long shot for some future positions when the new museum wing construction was finished…in about a year.
Bills were mounting. And I was that responsible, oldest child raised in an immigrant culture that drilled into you to always be working. “Get a job. Now! Earn as much money as you can.” It was understandable. They lived at the edge of life, hunger, and poverty. And while our current situation wasn’t like that, still, it wasn’t that flush. And any savings were hard-earned and weren’t going to last. I needed a job.
So when a colleague who ran her own pharmaceutical research-services company kept inviting me to work for her, it seemed like the right thing to do. It made total sense. She wanted me there. My whole background fit what she needed. And I had been floundering over what to do next with my life. It was the logical thing to do…on paper.
Given all that, I started making plans to take the job. I would be a contractor for her, and no question, she would compensate me very well. The last thing I had to do was set up my liability insurance, and then start earning my keep again.
The quotes came in. I filled out the forms. All I had to do was sign them and submit them. It was like that moment-of-truth scene you see in all the movies, where the person’s hand hovers over the form, pen closing in on the bottom line. But in my “movie,” every single fiber in my body screamed, “Don’t do it!”
It was absurd. My husband was killing himself at his job. We needed me to work at something that could bring in money. I loved the museum, but I had no right to pass this job up. I couldn’t do that to him. Who did I think I was? Yet, I just…couldn’t…sign…that…form.
Finally, I went to Ed. “I can’t do this. I just can’t do this work anymore.”
He looked at me with an expression of “it’s about time,” and said, “I know.”
I stared at him for a few seconds. “You know? What do you mean ‘you know’?”
Shaking his head, he said, “You’re not supposed to do that anymore.” You belong at the museum.”
“Why didn’t you say so?” I was in shock.
“Because you had to figure it out for yourself.”
Almost pleading to be convinced by him, I put up one last weak argument. “But there’s no guarantee I’ll get hired.”
“Wait. Just hold on and wait.”
He was always the one more comfortable with open-ended…the more patient of the two of us. For me, whether it was a slow driver in front of me or a life choice to make, I was always about “Let’s get going! NOW!”
I knew it was a risk. I knew I would never make the same kind of money at the museum that I would in pharma research. It made no sense what we were choosing. At least not logical sense.
But heart-wise, I knew he was right. I just couldn’t go back to that world again. And even when he lost his job, he still told me to wait.
Robert Frost talked about taking the road less traveled, and while there has been controversy over whether or not he was actually recommending that path, I took his line at face value. I would listen to Ed and wait. I would just keep working at the museum for free, learning how to excite young minds about science and life…and see what life brought….
The best job of my life
It felt like ages, but jobs eventually were posted. Then the agonizingly slow application and review process. Interviews. But in the end, that very microbiology lab background that I started my working life with years ago, gave me the last…and best… job of my life — to teach kids in the Micro World Investigate lab.
It was a hands-on space, and we had total freedom to make it whatever we wanted, so long as kids got to learn about the hidden world at the micro level. And the most exciting thing was that we had to do it in a way that let kids actually DO science experiments and activities and put that equipment in their hands. How did I get so lucky?!
While all my jobs through life mattered and I did them diligently, THIS ONE was the absolute “love-of-my-life” job. I chose it…and maybe, it chose me.
Because while it was also my chance to be a kid again and “have fun with science,” it was so much more. It was that total purpose that I had been seeking, my “tikkun olam” – to heal the world. And it came wrapped in the chance to play, deliver love, and touch the hearts of anyone I encountered, especially kids. And most especially, the invisible kids.
I was there for any child who wanted to be heard. Needed to be seen. Hungered for love. I let them know I wanted to hear the dreams in their hearts that they almost wouldn’t admit to themselves. And I tried to mirror back that if they had that spark of a dream, I believed in them. And we would even talk pragmatically about ways that might get them started to reach for it.
I used anything that would catch their attention or make them laugh, and thus, keep them engaged. Whether it was art, stories, lab equipment, weird questions, or even things I made out of Play-Doh, it was all about giving them a break from whatever life was doing to them beyond the museum. Science may have been the entry ticket, but frankly, I didn’t care if they hated science as long as they felt loved and excited about something in life.
Paying it forward
They often asked me how I got to do that job, and I would laugh and say that I was old, and so I’d had time to do a lot of things in life…which was the truth. I had worn many hats: writer, artist, lexicographer, scientist, lab researcher, book lover, ethicist, mother, teacher, wife…woman.
But I was that other thing, too, a survivor, and that was the biggest reason I cared so much about reaching those kids.
I had desperately needed someone like that so long ago when I was a kid, and no one was there…until a tremendous teacher in high school gave me hope and inspiration…and the idea that maybe I could keep going and become something in life. So, in addition to all the reasons above, I was also there to pay it forward for the gift she gave me.
Exciting kids to learn, any way that I could
I loved to mix my science classes with other disciplines, so sometimes we wrote poems, or did a lab class as a hero-journey story. And art was a powerful draw, regardless of age. It was a joy to empower kids with the freedom to visually express what they saw in the museum in whatever way they wanted to on paper. And there were no wrong ways to create nature art. It would also be the chance to teach them about jobs they could pursue in graphic arts and science illustration. Because no matter what class we did, I was always trying to show them there was a way to make a living at something they loved.
Other times, you use whatever you can to show complicated things in a clear visual way. One activity was to show how the brain has a “barrier” to protect it from the wrong chemicals. And then, researchers were finding ways to trick the barrier so new medicines for things like brain cancer could sneak past. And before I could hand-make something that would really work, there were foam blocks, glue, tubing, and plastic eggs to build a prototype first!
Another time, it was the anatomy of a honeybee brain, and the cross-section of its special compound eyes. And in making my own models, the weirder the better. Even adults would have to come over and ask what that strange creation was.
Games and field trips
So many kids thought a science job was out of their reach. I made it my mission to teach them how pharmaceutical drugs are made and the biotechnology behind them. I created a game to teach the steps of Drug Development, and also all the kinds of jobs available to them. I’d take them over to the local university so they could see for real how the companies used special bacteria as the “factories” for making new drugs.
History, adventure, and hero-journeys
And for those who preferred historical mysteries and adventure, they learned the science behind invisible ink and coded messages during the Revolutionary War. They got to make their own invisible ink using the very methods George Washington’s spies used, then write with quill pens and use a decoder wheel based on the one Thomas Jefferson invented. Then they would execute the battles on a reproduction of an 18th-century map. Even adults couldn’t resist playing with maps and toy soldiers.
Story MATTERED. And making kids the hero of those stories was even more powerful.
Sometimes I would teach about the science behind the body’s pH (acid) balance by making them a doctor from outer space working in an ER and tasked with saving a young girl who overdosed on aspirin. The class would teach them the science, then we’d come back to “What were they going to do to save the girl?” And even the ones pretending to be bored were able to answer that.
Another class was based on the story of a real sunken German World War II U-boat (submarine) off the coast of North Carolina. They were the researchers trying to discover that sunken wreck. Which meant they had to learn all about undersea exploration methods, water currents, the water chemistry, and the wildlife that populated wreck sites.
Appeal to their wallets
One of the best ways to teach about balancing chemistry equations is to appeal to their sense of greed. In one class, we had them make silver nitrate in the lab and made them the CEO of the company making that chemical. Then they would have to figure out how much silver they could extract from their experiment and how much money they made after expenses. It was all about putting science into situations where they could answer “Why should I care?”
And then there were times of pure science exploration, dissecting things, using microscopes, and learning to love the living creatures in the museum.
And always, always, always, we used toys. What better way to teach the physics of dinosaur bite strength than to have a Tyrannosaurus model trying to bite through modern tank armor? We spent time researching the relative pressures until we verified that, no, a Tyrannosaurus wasn’t strong enough to crush the tank in its jaw!
And why a model of a Trojan horse in the lab? Because believe it or not, there is a cutting-edge research method being tested for getting new cancer drugs into the brain by “hiding them” in carrier molecules…just like the Greek soldiers hid inside the Trojan horse and got into the Trojan castle.
Even our vacations played into my life’s purpose. While I was creating new classes and videos to teach the endless science topics that interested me, on the side, I even managed to find time to write my book about my fifty years of visits to Colonial Williamsburg — A Colonial Williamsburg Love Affair. Ed and I loved to vacation there and immerse ourselves in the history of life during the Revolutionary War in Virginia. So I wanted to share that joy with the world.
Thinking and Dreaming…
One of my FAVORITE things at the museum, though, was to TALK to the kids…or rather, to ask questions. Questions that they had to think about, give an opinion for, AND most especially “why” they felt that way. And I always made it clear that there was no wrong reason for “why.” It was their opinion, no wrong answers, and everyone was to be respected when they shared.
Even the most timid kids, once they saw their friends sharing AND that I was LISTENING, would come forward with their thoughts and dreams. It was GREAT to see them come alive!
Things like:
- If you could have a choice to build a flying car or a time machine, which would you choose, and why?
- And if it is a time machine – would you go forward, back, or both, and why?
- If you had a choice to be a snake researcher or a medical doctor saving someone from a snake bite, which would you choose, and why?
- If you could be dropped anywhere in the world right now, where would you go, and why?
- If you could learn any language, even a computer language or one not invented yet, what would you learn, and why?
- If you were told we had to move all of Earth to another planet, could we do it? And if so, how?
- If you got to that other planet and another civilization got there first, what would you do?
I will simply say that the answers that came back were deeply felt, well-thought-out, and sometimes…heartbreaking.
Especially one time…One kid wanted to know why they needed to be able to think and answer questions, so I told them that THEY were going to be our world leaders, so they HAD TO BE ABLE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. And some of them were surprised that their thoughts would matter.
All good things come to an end
For twelve years, I played, loved, and challenged kids. And inspired local companies to give us grant money so we could keep creating, reaching, and inspiring. I absolutely LOVED that job and would have kept going. But by that point, I was almost seventy. And…the body decides what comes next. For my body, it was time to slow down.
And for my heart, it was finally time to enter a new phase of life: Writing this book.
But no question, it was hard to leave. Aside from loving the work and especially loving the kids, this period of my life brought me soulmate friends…people who shared my values and goals, people who cared about me, and I treasured them. But I will write more about friendships at this point in life, in the next section of the book.
What is next for this book
This current section of the story, which started with the deaths of my parents, has come almost full circle as I will return to their declines and deaths in the next posts.
And with their deaths would come the most intense phase of learning and healing. Because it was only after I was free of them that the most deeply-buried emotions could be free to surface and be fully explored.
To tell the story of my life to this point, I have called this present section, “The Old Country,” borrowing a phrase from my old Slovak grandmother.
For this next, and last, book section, I will borrow another phrase I’ve seen used for book titles and even a Star Trek Movie — “The Undiscovered Country.”
There was a whole area of my life still waiting to be discovered, and I only had the time, freedom, and emotional stability for that after both of my parents were gone. This would be the time for the deepest learning and healing of my life. For that deepest layer of pain, trauma, and insights to be freed.
Stay tuned.
Note:
I am seeking financial support to complete my memoir, work with an editor, and return home for fact-checking. Your help would mean the world to me as I take this step toward healing and giving voice to my journey.
Please like, comment, and share this post to help spread the word. The link for my fundraiser is on GoFundMe. Thank you for your support.
Soul Mosaic 
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