Soul Mosaic

“Although a simplistic and perhaps idealistic, way to look at leaders is to determine whether they “lead the way” or “point the way,” …does a leader say “Follow me,” or …”Do as I say and not as I do.”

“…In May of 1877, nearly a year after the great victory at the Little Bighorn, Crazy Horse surrendured to white authority at Fort Robinson in Nebraska Territory. There were simply no resources on which to live …To surrender…was a sickening prospect. But if he was anything, Crazy Horse was a realist. He was a selfless leader…he knew he had two choices: continue to fight and risk having all of his followers killed or surrender.

…When he and his followers arrived at Fort Robinson…Crazy Horse was the first to give up his horse and his gun–the very symbols of his warrior life and persona….it had to have been one of the most difficult–if not the most difficult–acts he ever did in his life. We do know this: He had to do it. It wouldn’t have been right for him to simply tell his 120 warriors to lay down their arms. He had to lead the way…His leadership under those most galling and difficult of moments gave courage to the 900 people who followed him into an uncertain future …leadership by example, under the best or worst of circumstances, is extremely powerful….Good leadership…is showing the way.”

Joseph M. Marshall III, from his book: Walking With Grandfather – The Wisdom of the Lakota Elders

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Another entry from the book, God Calling, that I absolutely love….the book AND the saying, that is:

“Be gentle with all. Try to see the heart I see, to know the pain and difficulty of the other life, that I know. Try, before you interview anyone, or speak to anyone, to ask Me to act as interpreter between you two. ….Welcome all who come….”

I have loved this saying, another one highlighted in at least two colors, because it was something I failed at so much, and knew I needed to learn. It spoke to concepts I never could get my head around:

– gentleness instead of toughness

– yielding instead of rigidity

– patience instead of immediate judgement

– trust in God instead of only myself

– waiting to consider instead of acting first

– open welcome instead of self-protection

They are still hard ones. For one, some of these require things that go against keeping to ourselves, protecting ourselves. For another, the world has taught us we are supposed to be quick, efficient, decisive, and moving on instead of pondering things. And even when we agree that these are the right things to give, none of these come easily to anyone in an age of too many things to do in life, too many responsibilities, too much do to at work, too much…..

Life is overwhelming. And to be gentle, yielding, patient, trusting, waiting, or openly welcoming, the trouble is these take TIME, a precious commodity in today’s busy world. Even when we want to achieve these ideals, sometimes we are so tired, so overwhelmed, so overworked, that we haven’t much left to give.

For myself, first it was just a revelation that gentleness and openness and waiting and trusting were the real way to go. Then there was re-training old habits. Even when we believe in a change, it takes a long time to build up the courage to try and a long time to correct an established pattern.

Maybe, the re-training takes a lifetime. I know I’ll never get all of these right all the time. In those moments, maybe it’s enough to remember that these are what we strive for. Even if we can’t always deliver, we can know we did our best to remember, and try again the next time. And it is the intention that counts…what’s in our hearts. For someone who struggles to reach an ideal, but still tries, maybe that’s the bigger gift than from someone who can do it with ease.

There was a parable about an old woman who only had a couple coins left to give. Certainly, it wasn’t anything compared to what the richer members of that temple could donate. But when it’s all you have, and you still give it, the magnitude of the gift is huge:

He looked up and saw rich people putting their gifts into the treasury; he also saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. He said, ‘Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them; for all of them have contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on.’

New Revised Standard Version, Luke 21:1-4

Well the last several gifts and even today’s post, are fairly “meaty.” So for a change of pace, some lighthearted advice from Clues for Real Life: The Classic Wit & Wisdom of Nancy Drew

“Brushing your hair until it gleams can make a sleuth feel extra special about her appearance after an action-packed day of sleuthing.”  (The Secret of Shadow Ranch)

So there. Get out your hairbrushes and whatever is wrong with your day will just melt away in the gleam of your hair…..  🙂

“Simple tasks, faithfully done and persisted in, bring their own reward, and are the mosaics being laid in the pavement of success.”

The April 13th entry from the daily meditation book, God Calling, was one of those I underlined and highlighted. Another one of those I obviously found helpful. Then the lightbulb went off. It was one of the entries that inspired my idea for “mosaics” in this blog.

The idea of mosaics laid in the pavement of success, the concept of “mosaic” in general, was especially meaningful – my lesson in life. I always want it all done, right now, all at once, one fell swoop. Do it, cross it off the to-do list, move on. And if it isn’t on the to-do list to cross off, I put it on the list just so I can cross it off. Sad, I know, but yes, I am an incorrigible list-maker/list crosser-offer (if that’s even a word?).

The concept of completing just one single mosaic on a given day, the concept of doing simple tasks instead of huge ones, moving slowly and having to faithfully PERSIST instead of rapidly finishing, those ideas are a horror to my soul. My spirit ALWAYS rebels against that. If it has to take time, if it has to be one step not all 30, I don’t want it, I hate it, I fight it. Just be one with that one moment, that one mosaic? Not a chance.

However, more than a few times now, I’ve had to slow down or even stop. I got sick in January and aside from being all congested, feverish, and achy, both my eyes got infected so badly all I could do was sit there. I couldn’t read, watch TV, play Solitaire on the computer, nothing. Just sit there. And think. A revelation.

I am coming to understand that as I get older, there will be more and more times I will have to go slower, go without answers, or have things taken from me. It’s part of life stripping things away. Even now I notice that some of the physical strength I had before isn’t there. I don’t like it. And even though I’m far from helpless and still have much strength, I can see the handwriting on the wall. Life will eventually take the rest. I know it’s coming. I also know if I don’t change my attitude, learn to “be” with that one mosaic at that one moment, it’s going to make me miserable, bitter, and unable to find the joy in life. I don’t want to live like that.

So hence, this blog and it’s name – mosaics. It fulfills a purpose that maybe I didn’t even realize when I chose it. I was drawn to it before I even knew why. But I imagine God knew what He was calling me to do. This blog is a day-by-day snapshot of what life means, of deeply pursuing an interest step-by-step, of collecting slowly over time, the mosaic pieces of my soul to see what larger picture emerges. It is “training in doing the single, simple task.” It is discipline in “faithfully persisting”…showing up every day to deliver something, even if on a given day, it is just a single small gift entry.

So, for today, my one mosaic in the pavement of success…..

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

Maya Angelou

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Joseph Campbell.

” ‘It’s so cool that the warden service has a chaplain to keep us from freaking out’ …

‘Ah.’ I smiled. ‘I’m not really here to keep you from freaking out. I’m here to be with you while you freak out,’…It is a ministry of presence. It is showing up with a loving heart.”

Kate Braestrup, from her book, Here If You Need Me, recounting a conversation with a mom she sat with during a search for the woman’s lost child, and her observation of what her real job is as chaplain in the Maine Warden Service.

Today I’m going to do something out of character for me, I’m going to shut up. 🙂

Actually, I have this piece posted in my work area. It’s wisdom to me is so complete, I feel to try and add anything, would weaken its strength. So today, I will share it, and step out of its way.

The Difference Between Strength & Courage (Author Unknown)

It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pains,
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

George Eliot