Soul Mosaic

2015-2019 A whole new life

Virginia became a time that appears to have given Mom fun in life. Closer to family, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, it was a time she was still healthy and active enough to do things.

Sometimes, especially when she first moved from Pennsylvania, she was kind of grumpy and refused to participate in things, even things she loved. I suspect that was payback for moving her. And…I can appreciate that after Dad died, she was living on her terms in Pennsylvania. While it was life, age, and health that forced this change, I can understand if she just folded her arms and refused to be happy about things. And no doubt being closer to one of us probably cramped her style…which also no doubt worked both ways.

But gradually, she did begin to make her peace with things and found her new normal. She LOVED IHOP and their crepes. Right to the end, we could always get her to eat crepes, even as she wasn’t interested in other things anymore. Frozen yogurt was another favorite, and she was never without a crossword puzzle book. The day she died, she was still trying to work a puzzle even as she just stared at the page. There were hours working jigsaw puzzles until her eyes started to fail her, and her back hurt too much.

She ferociously rooted for her New England Patriots – and we knew never to call her if they lost. And we even got her out to Colonial Williamsburg for old times’ sake. She even climbed up into the carriage to ride around the grounds. I could see her joy as she just watched various things go by, and periodically she would remember something about a family trip from the past.

“Frozen detente”

Yet, it was still difficult.

What might she have been?

I look at my mother’s early photos, and always, I see joy. Maybe there were other things beneath that smile, which led her to him. Whatever it was, that sealed her fate.

Once he was in her life, she lived in his shadow. Yielded to his will. Was belittled by his words and terrorized by his fists.

In all the years I knew her, there had always been a “him” between us. Never just HER. Now that he was gone, what would our relationship be like? And who would she be now?