THIS….The answer to “Why cows?”
Nightmare postscript – My husband’s gifted insight
This morning, my husband said something about the dead and destroyed cows in that nightmare that made it all come together. I had always wondered, “Why cows?” And he answered it.
Cows are mothers. And women. Providers of milk. Sustenance. Nurturing.
WHO were the victims in our house? My mother. She was obliterated by his abuse. All of us. And any victims of abuse out there, no matter what gender.
All those dead cows and floating body parts were the remains of what he had abused and destroyed. What ANY abuser destroys. They were the collateral damage of filling his needs, and then the damage from the battle I had to wage against him even as I didn’t want to have to fight. And they were the reason it hurt so much to see them blown apart all over that parking garage.
All the lost victims. And in abuse in general, all those who might have become mothers and never made it.
THAT was the reason for the cows. And as soon as he said the words, my stomach tightened and my soul screamed out, “YES!” in recognition.
My husband, who has walked for so many years through all of this with me…he is a treasure, and a gifted and insightful partner.
The next book after my memoir will be an expansion on Ed’s Coda at the end of this one…The Story of a Marriage – how we got together, why, and how we stayed together.
Thank you, Ed. All my love…
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