A word
In a short bit, I will write a bit about the power of individual words as part of my healing. For right here, I will mention one – Teshuvah – a Hebrew word that means to turn around, look back, return to who you are.
For almost two years now, I have been on the quest of Teshuvah – looking back to reclaim all I am, and return to who I truly am.
Where the journey has taken me
I look back at the body of work that I’ve created – paintings, photos, posts – all geared to seeing clearly, without illusions, who I am. All to discover, understand, and transform. It has been quite a journey.
From that toddler who had no idea what was happening…or about to happen to her…
…through years of childhood where abuse was my norm.
Through the struggles of high school, college, and young adulthood, just trying to survive, then escape, then survive.
Years of building a life and fighting him…
…to these last several years of deep therapy to empty trapped agonies from my psyche. There have been nightmares, despair, anxiety, and rage…
…until finally, I have been slowly reconnecting with all my broken pieces, setting myself free from the toxic past, and finding a way to both my peace and my purpose – Tikkun olam – helping to heal the world.
What is coming
In these next several posts that will make up this Rubedo section, it is time for conclusions. At least as much as has come clear to this point. Life is always evolving, so I expect my thoughts will continue to change, too.
But this will be the section of “What do I think, now?”
And I realize this whole section is all about another certain word – “relationship.”
I will start with my relationship with myself – Where have I landed after all of this work? And I will explore my relationship to things that have been powerful for me – certain talismans in my life; a list of “power words” that I have; and questions.
Next, I will go on to explore my relationship with others — God, women friends, my marriage, and immediate family.
Then…Mom and Dad. Final thoughts about them. About more words…such as forgiveness…indifference…rage…acceptance.
And last, I will return to me, my philosophy for life at that point. How I want to live.
After that, I will enter the “Epilogue” section and ponder “the future.”
Note:
I am seeking financial support to complete my memoir, work with an editor, and make a visit to my home state for fact-checking. Your help would mean the world to me as I take this step toward healing and giving voice to my journey.
Please like, comment, and share this post to help spread the word. The link for my fundraiser is on GoFundMe. Thank you for your support.
Leave a Reply