Archive for the ‘Broken Bits’ Category

The Gift: A Fiddler Tidbit

April 30, 2008

For all those people who come to my blog looking for fiddler crab information, a small tidbit I found. And I can verify the 10-gallon tank part. I have three fiddler crabs – 2 females and one male and the 10-gallon tank gives them enough room so nobody kills anybody else. Anyway, the gift:

“In the aquarium they are happiest in pairs, as sometimes one female will kill extra crabs in her tank. This is less likely to happen in very large tanks. It is recommended to house them in at least a ten gallon tank. They do not thrive as single pets.”

And the real news flash at this website article ( Essortment: Fiddler Crabs as Pets) “Crabs are not affectionate pets.” 🙂

The Post – Agony in the Garden: If Jesus Needed To Do It, Why Do I Think I Don’t?

April 30, 2008

I was just looking over the “blog stats” page on WordPress for my blog – they’re not elaborate statistics, mostly total page views per day, what pages were accessed, and the list of search terms some people used when they stumbled across my blog. Amazing to me are the number of people who are looking for fiddler crab information. I will have to keep that in mind and remember to pass on any new things I learn, for their benefit.

I also spotted an unusual search term: “the agony in the garden.” My mind flashed immediately to all those Good Friday services in church, reading the various Gospels describing Jesus waiting to be turned over to the soldiers before His crucifixion. One of the things that always caught my ear in those gospels was the number of times Jesus kept asking His disciples to stay up with Him, be with Him, pray with Him, and how He complained to them when they kept falling asleep. I think what always surprised me was that Jesus almost sounded….whiny…scared…..human.

All through the Gospels as Jesus traveled and preached, He sounded wise, patient, compassionate, forgiving, amused, even angry….together. But weak? Frightened? At the end of His rope? Needy? He sounded almost like ….us.

Now most of us can’t stand it when we or the people around us act like that, never mind Jesus. Our immediate reaction is more like “get a grip,” “grow up,” “stop whining,” or my usual comment around the house: “You got a backbone?! Then use it!” I have to admit, I almost felt uncomfortable with this Jesus. He wasn’t ….perfect.

Maybe that was the point. I think He wanted to show us that EVERYBODY has their moments of falling apart. Sure, we can’t go around whining to everybody all the time about every little thing. But you know, life can be hard. Sometimes it can really suck. And sometimes, even grown adults want “Mommy.” They want to whine, stamp their feet, have a good cry, complain that it’s not fair. And sometimes grown adults are just plain scared.

Now the Catch-22 is that they don’t want to admit it or EVER let anybody else see that side of them. Nobody wants another to know our “shadow” side….see those moments when we’re not together, when we mess up, or are just plain needy.

My favorite Stephen King anecdote is when he tells of driving somewhere while his wife read one of his manuscripts. He kept glancing over at her, anxiously awaiting her verdict, until finally she snapped at him, “Will you stop being so goddamned needy?!”

The reality is, there’s not a human being alive who doesn’t have their “locked in the bathroom, crying behind closed doors, convinced you’re a failure, needy moments.” I think Jesus was telling us to stop pretending we have it all together all the time, because we don’t. Even He didn’t. He knew what it was to be human, to freak out for a few moments convinced you aren’t up to the task before you.

The thing about it is, when the time came, He was up to the task. Jesus even had the presence of mind to heal the man whose ear Peter cut off, and to tell Peter to put away his sword. I think Jesus is letting us know, it’s okay to fall apart sometimes…in fact, it’s probably necessary now and then to just break down and cry. Feel your fear, acknowledge your anxiety. Maybe it’s even empowering. Once you have felt those, the only way is up. You get up, you wipe your eyes, brush yourself off, take a deep breath, and get back to being a grownup…get on with the task you thought you couldn’t do. Because you can.

So I guess the agony in the garden was that Gospel reading that gave me permission to “not always have it all together.” Just remember to get back up after you finish crying. If Jesus can have His moments, it’s okay for us too.

The Post – Leave it to Black Elk, Thomas Merton, and David to Get Things Back on Track

April 29, 2008

Sunday’s gift post read:

“I cured with the power that came through me. Of course, it was not I who cured, it was the power from the Outer World, the visions and the ceremonies had only made me like a hole through which this power could come to the two-leggeds.

If I thought that I was doing it myself, the hole would close up and no power would come through. Then everything I could do would be foolish.”

Black Elk, Holy Man of the Oglala Souix (1863-1950)

I owe a thank-you to Black Elk. He reminded me of something I’d been forgetting.

It’s been a long winter. Illness, colonoscopy, biopsies, endoscopy, more biopsies, lack of sleep, ER and doctor visits, pulled muscles…. Over the course of 4 months my coping abilities went through the floor while my exhaustion skyrocketed. I kept going, but it felt like I was carrying a 10-ton load on my back, and not very well.

The pulled muscles were the icing on the cake as that took away my treasured daily walks, my meditative time when I do a rosary. When I was younger I thought the rosary was boring and useless. These days I’ve grown to love it. And for whatever reason, its effect seems to be most powerful when on my walks – the synergy of prayer and nature. The repetition of the prayers are a meditation of sorts — one of those types of ceremonies Black Elk refers to — that centers you, restores you, gives you love to share with others, and opens that hole in your soul that allows the Universe to work through you. And for the record, anything really worthwhile or successful that I’ve “done” in life, I didn’t really do. That power came from elsewhere.

In any event, with everything that had happened over the winter, my rituals had become infrequent. Not done on purpose, just that not feeling well, I figured I’d let it go until I felt better. That was a mistake. I’d forgotten that my true power came from opening to something greater than myself. I was like a car on empty, continuing to drive without stopping to refuel. How far can you really go doing that?

Black Elk said that in his own life, without that outer world power coming through the hole in him, anything he tried to do was foolish. I could relate.

Once Black Elk caught my ear, of course Thomas Merton decided to chime in. Thomas Merton was a Catholic monk, a spiritual contemplative, who was a prolific writer and a visionary and who studied with monastics of other traditions, including the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh. Anyway, on the wall over my desk, I have this piece Merton wrote:

“The more you can work in a spirit of detachment, the closer you come to working for God than working for yourself, and the less strain there is on your nerves. You do not worry about things so much, and therefore, you don’t get so confused, so mixed up, so tired. In fact, you recognize that your self-love, your pride, is trying to take over the work by your reaction. When you’re exhausted and upset and haunted by work that seems to be going badly, it means that you’re working for yourself and are taking the consequences. But when you are free, you work with an ease that amazes you. Half the time, without any necessity for special thought on your part, God seems to remove obstacles and do half the work for you. When God wants a thing done, the speed with which it achieves completion and success almost takes your breath away.”

I realized I’d not been working in any kind of spirit, much less one of detachment, and I was taking the consequences. I’d forgotten that I am that hole Black Elk speaks of, the tool to be used, not the power behind it. I needed that force to remove the obstacles, and carry the load. In reality, we are all that hole….each of us is the tool to be used by a power greater than us if we allow it. And it’s that power that can achieve great things, things much larger than we can ever do alone. I’d just forgotten about that.

As soon as that light bulb went off, I decided it was time to get back to walking, even if only briefly, and it was time to also start that rosary again. Its amazing, but even before I finished that first walk and rosary, I could feel the shift in myself. It was like coming home.

Psalm 121, the Song of Ascents says:

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

So, David, Black Elk and Thomas Merton, three different holy men from different times and cultures, but they all pointed to the same source, and they all spoke the same language – that of the soul. I am grateful to all three.

The Post – Insight

April 27, 2008

I had this idea last summer about selecting an emotion, and trying to put it on canvas…just let whatever arose in me when thinking of and feeling that emotion, flow down through the paintbrush, into the oil paints and emerge on the canvas. I started two of them – one called “Insight” and the other called “Uncertainty.”

Uncertainty is half-finished…I think. Maybe more than half. Maybe less. I’m uncertain. 🙂 Actually, sorry, just couldn’t resist joking around. It is not finished yet, though after staring at it on the garage wall for a year, I sense now what to do to finish conveying that. Sometime this week, I’ll post pictures of the current state of that painting, then get back to work on it.

The one I have here today, Insight, I just finished this week. It was actually “just about” complete last year, but I kept staring at it and feeling it lacked enough depth. This past week I did a bit more and feel better with it. So I think it’s done. Unless I change my mind. : ) Even in insight, there is uncertainty.

In actuality, I think that was the thing I discovered about insight as I painted it. I know for myself, and maybe others feel this too, that when someone speaks of “gaining insight into something” the perception is that lightbulbs go off, the sun blindingly breaks through blackness, angels sing, and music blares because now, having insight, everything is solved.

I realized as I painted and thought about it, that insight is much more subtle, less certain, and often still pretty tentative. You have that lightbulb moment, yes. Out of TOTAL darkness where you can’t see your hand in front of your face, there is suddenly a glow up ahead that shows a way out. However, it is still not without shadows and dark crevices. Just because you gained some insight into something doesn’t mean you solved it all and now all your problems are over. Like Jesus sending the Apostles back out to fish in the morning after they spent an entire night catching nothing, gaining an insight doesn’t free you from the fact that you still have work to do and probably some things still to clarify.

Yet, there is that glow, a highlight showing the way, hope out of despair, and maybe hope is insight’s biggest gift.

Insight:

Close-ups of the top and bottom halves of the painting:

The Post – New England Seascape – 1st set

April 26, 2008

I’m going to save most comments for picture captions, but here is the first set of pictures. This is a New England seascape done in oils, in progress. A gift for my sister and brother-in-law. The canvas is an odd size – 12 inches by 36 inches and as such, a challenge for composition – long and narrow. But still, a fun thing to try. I’ve got a somewhat poor shot of the overall painting, then a number of shots – closeups of various parts of the painting. Most of these are in “base layer” stage – they still need finishing details and colors. I did complete the details on these over the last 2 days, and later today, I’m going to shoot pics of some of these finished closeup areas – the town, the wharf buildings, the fishing trawler, the lighthouse – to show the difference as the painting progresses. But for now, set 1, New England seascape:

Lighting is a bit off here…so much for “auto” mode on the camera, but a shot of the whole painting just to give an idea of layout.

The lighthouse has been fighting me from the beginning, even in sketches. It has gently sloping sides and lots of details. Given that I’m still struggling to get a base coat down and still haven’t got the “sloping sides” right, a battle still to be fought.

Very base layers of the residential area of the town with a really rough church in the background. The black blob in the middle, will eventually be a Corvette, a gift for my brother-in-law…the only Corvette I can afford to give him. But it IS the thought that counts. 🙂

The rock pier and wharf buildings are farther along but still need some touch ups. The red building on the end is the often-photographed shed in Rockport Massachusetts that you see on all the calenders. Maybe common to some, but I love the building so I put it in.

Again, a roughed out fishing boat just “plopped” on the water. Aside from details, some foam and waves would be good.

Just a long shot of the right side of the painting. The roughed out rocks in front will need a lot more detail and the “pool” of water, will be a tide pool, complete with some rockweed, strips of kelp, blue mussels, and other tide pool critters. Maybe even a hermit crab…. 🙂

A mid-painting shot…

And a shot from the left. The effect I want is to feel like you’re right at the tide pool level with the waves being driven right at you as they crash against the rocks.

These remaining shots are just some close-ups of the wharf buildings with lobster traps stacked against them, as well as a closeup or two of the tide pool area. In any event, the next set of pics will have a fair bit of progress. Stay tuned!!!

The Post – So What Ever Happened to Toto?

April 25, 2008

It’s a Friday, and while I get the rest of the art work photos ready for blog view, I figured a fun post was in order.

I am an incorrigible Wizard of Oz fan. The annual broadcast of the Wizard of Oz when I was growing up, usually sometime in the Spring, was like a national holiday or a Holy Day of Obligation. You marked your calendar months in advance and come that night, you were right there in front of the TV. This, of course, was back in the dark ages before VCRs or DVDs. There was no “record it to watch later” or “rent it to watch when you want.” You either watched it the night the network decided to broadcast it, or you waited until the next year. To further date myself, we still had a black-and-white TV set. I told you it was the dark ages. While it didn’t matter for the beginning and end of the film, both of which were in black-and-white, we always did miss out on the whole part of the film where she “wasn’t in Kansas anymore” – the amazing panorama of color when she opened the door to Munchkinland. Unless we were at our cousins’ house and got to stay late to watch at least the “opening of the door” part. My uncle owned a TV repair service, so they had a color TV.

Anyway, aside from the Wicked Witch of the West, my favorite character was Dorothy’s dog, Toto. It was a small Cairn terrier and the dog had more courage, and brains, than some of the human characters. And you just had to cheer for anything that would tear up Miss Gulch’s garden. Toto had more spunk that Dorothy’s Auntie Em, who could only lament to Miss Gulch: “For twenty-three years I’ve been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now… well, being a Christian woman, I can’t say it!” Toto didn’t waste words. She just bit Miss Gulch, then later escaped her clutches to return to Dorothy. And if you think that Toto was just “some dog” consider that Toto made $125 a week making this film, more than many of the human actors in it.

So why reminisce about Toto now? My husband and I are weird in that we often speak to each other in “movie code.” We will be out somewhere and something will catch our attention, and instead of just making an ordinary comment about it, we’ll look at each other then recite one of the thousands of movie lines we’ve stored in our brains. The truly scary thing is that the other one of us will totally understand what the other is getting at.

It’s also not unusual for one of these references to take on a life of its own and send us off on a totally new quest. Last Thanksgiving, we were walking through Colonial Williamsburg when we spotted a Cairn terrier that looked just like Toto from the Wizard of Oz. Given that the owner holding its leash looked pretty grumpy, of course we had to do the “Run, Toto, Run” line, and the “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!” – both classic lines from the Wizard of Oz. Our conversation eventually morphed into “Gee, I wonder what happened to Toto?” We stopped, looked at each other, and smiled deviously while our son rolled his eyes because he knew what this meant. We got back to my sister’s house, pulled out the computer and spent the next 20 minutes Googling Toto.

So…do you want to know what happened to Toto or not?

Well, apparently Toto, whose real name was Terry, had quite the film resume, appearing in 13 movies starring alongside such unknowns as Spencer Tracy and Shirley Temple, and she even co-starred again with Margaret Hamilton (the actress who played the Wicked Witch of the West) in 1942. She nearly died during the making of the Wizard of Oz, when one of the witch’s guards stepped on her and broke her foot. She was renamed Toto because of the popularity of the Wizard of Oz, and she even attended the movie premier at Grauman’s Chinese Theater.

Toto died in 1944, and though one report says she was stuffed and auctioned off, most reports, including Wikipedia, state that she was buried in the backyard of her trainer, Carl Spitz, who lived in L.A.

So given this, you just have to go to Los Angeles, find out who owns Carl Spitz’s house now, buy some dog biscuits then make a pilgrimage to Toto’s grave, right?

Not quite. Apparently somewhere along the line, Spitz’s house was purchased by the city of Los Angeles, and the property became part of the Ventura Freeway. Since no one is sure just which exit ramp Toto is buried under, the best you can probably do is hum the 1972 America song, Ventura Highway, in her honor. But at least now you know what happened to Toto.

If you want to read more about Toto (and the rest of the Wizard of Oz cast), go to:

“And Your Little Dog, Too!”

or the Wikipedia entry for Terry

Can you tell that I am never bored in life? There’s ALWAYS something odd and quirky to hunt down…..

The Post – Art Update

April 24, 2008

You’re probably thinking I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. Not at all. I’ve been working on a seascape oil painting that I promised to my sister a year ago. It’s coming along well. I took a bunch of pictures yesterday of that painting, along with a number of other paintings in progress or completed. I need to reformat them to fit this blog and it’s taking longer than expected, but do stay tuned. There will be photos coming of various art projects. In fact, I made so much progress today on that seascape, I may take a few more pictures tomorrow so you can see “befores and afters” of some of the more detailed parts of the painting – like the wharf buildings, town buildings, the lighthouse that I finally conquered, and a couple of fishing boats. So be patient with me. It’s just taking a bit longer to get it all together for the blog but they are in progress. Have a nice night!

The Post – An Appetizer

April 22, 2008

Today’s post is short – an appetizer before the meal. I’ve been doing a lot of oil painting the last few days, hence a bit quiet on the blog. I decided today, that even though I’m halfway done with this painting, it might be fun to take a bunch of pictures as it progresses toward the finish line. I’ll post the pictures of the progress, including close-up shots of things as they go from ‘base layers’ to finished item. The current painting is a New England coastal scene – no specific place in particular, but a composite of Rhode Island rocks, Rockport, Massachusetts rock piers and wood sheds, and of course, in the foreground, tide pool critters!  Tomorrow, I’ll get out my camera and take a bunch of shots to capture the painting as it currently is. I’ll also do some shots of how I arrived at that composition – early sketches etc. shots of my work area…just to set the stage for ‘status quo.’ Then every time some new things get finished on the painting, I’ll post new shots.

In the future, I’ll follow an entire art project from earliest sketches through completion. I wish I’d done that for this one as there’s things I took out — like the clouds in the sky, and the sky itself 2 or 3 times because it wasn’t right. The clouds were nice clouds, but given that the focus of the picture is on the town details on the left, then the tide pool creatures in the right front, clouds in the sky were just too busy. So I took them out. Still, it would have been nice to have a photographic record of things as I painted, scraped, and repainted.

Anyway, soon to follow – oil painting in progress…..

The Gift

April 21, 2008

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

Leonardo da Vinci


The Post – So How Are the Fiddlers Doing and How Did the Status Quo Experiment Go?

April 21, 2008

I know I haven’t spoken about the fiddlers in a while, so I thought an update was due. First, I can attest that Scarlett O’Hara, Melanie Hamilton, and Admiral Byrd are all alive well, and hanging out in their aquarium. I know this because I just did a major water and filter change and all three are out and about. Melanie Hamilton is just sitting there bobbing in the water staring out the front of the aquarium, which is remarkable because most of the time, Melanie Hamilton still likes to live inside the live rock. But today, she is out watching out the side of the aquarium.

Scarlett O’Hara is busy pulling algae off the live rock and aquarium sides, and in general, just walking and eating. She is not pregnant, and I noticed last week that she had released her eggs into the main aquarium just about the time I left for a family wedding. Melanie Hamilton is also not pregnant, and she did manage to evade Admiral Byrd’s advances this morning during the water change.  Admiral Byrd is his usual old self, waving his claw and generally trying to attract women.

Now, I did hesitate to do the water change just in case there were any “survivors” of the birth, ie Scarlett releasing eggs into the tank last week. And maybe it’s wishful thinking, but when I pulled some water out of the tank to discard, I thought I saw small things swimming around the cup. While I suppose it’s just me hoping some baby survived and might still make it to adulthood in the main tank, I suspect that’s not the case. But just to be on the safe side, I did pour that cup of water back into the tank.

Given all the chaos of trying to do 2 rounds of babies in the second tank, I’d let the water change in this main tank go for 2 months instead of one. Here is where having a mature aquarium pays off though. In spite of the fact the water was down a gallon and the filter and water were a month overdue, the parameters read: Nitrate 20, Nitrite 0, Hardness >300, Chlorine 0, Alkalinity 300, pH 7.8 and even with the water low and expecting to see the salinity rise because of that, the salinity held at 1.012. So all in all, that tank water was in good shape.

In any event, I removed almost a gallon and replaced it with new brackish water. The final set of parameters after a water change were almost identical. The only differences were that the pH is now 8.0 and the salinity is 1.011.

And apparently all three fiddlers were okay with that because other than being annoyed every time I leaned in to either remove or add water to the tank, they remained calm and just continued searching for food (or women) when I was all finished.

The spare tank I have left alone since the last of the babies died off from the second attempt. What I’ll do next (as soon as I’ve managed to make some more distilled water), is to lower the salinity in that tank back down to brackish. Then I will try out the idea from an article on a UK website: fishless cycliing, ie – getting the nitrogen cycle up, running, and matured, without any live creatures in the tank. Perhaps if I can achieve this, then the next time Scarlett O’Hara ends up pregnant, I will put her in this second aquarium to release her eggs, then leave it brackish and see if the babies survive better than when I raise the salinity to seawater level.

The other thing I have to do with that tank is get rid of the wand bubble on the back tank wall and get one or two more bubbling stones. They seem to put a lot more oxygen in the tank and move the water around better than that wand bubbler. In fact, half of that bubbler wand doesn’t even work anymore. I think once micro algae starts to grow on the wand, the bubble curtain is just too weak and fine to push out past the algae and the wand stops bubbling.

So – bottom line: Scarlett, Melanie, and Admiral Byrd are all present, non-pregnant, accounted for, and appear to be healthy. Their tank is in good shape. Perhaps a baby or two survived (or I’m wishfully hallucinating), but I will continue to watch to see if in fact, any tiny crabs do appear over the next few weeks. I’ll keep you posted!