“You too are driven by the desire to understand, know…beneath your desire for knowledge writhes the hunger to understand and love yourself.”
Gloria E. Anzaldúa’s essay: “now let us shift…the path of conocimiento…inner work, public acts,” in This Bridge We Call Home
Time Passages…
It all started with Al Stewart’s song, “Time Passages,” on the radio. It’s a mellow song that I have heard thousands of times and always enjoy.
On this particular day, the melody and lyrics drifted through the background of my consciousness as I drove along. As usual, I hummed along with some of the familiar words about memories and escapes into the past. But this time, one particular line smacked me with a recognition I’d never had before – the line about things left behind.
Like a lone dancer on a dark stage suddenly framed in a brilliant white-hot spotlight, those words flashed in my brain. Things left behind. THAT’S what this has been about.
In writing this book, yes, I’ve been revisiting my own time passages. I’ve had to. But it hasn’t been a sentimental trip down memory lane. Instead, I’ve been on the hunt… searching… looking for answers. And those answers were only to be found in the things I left behind – things I only recently realized I’d left back there, unexamined.
Unexamined. I’m not sure if that song implies to simply acknowledge the memories and then move on, but in this case, it was absolutely imperative I not only look back, but bring those things back to my present. I’ve been without answers for a lifetime, and it’s long overdue to get them. My healing needs and deserves it.
So I will go back into those time passages to excavate the buried treasure of my memories as many times as I need to. I won’t need to forever. But for now, I must bring them back, examine them, and find my answers for the future.
Words always seem to lead to my answers
“Why write?” has been on my mind for many years, going back to the 1990s. And again in 2024, as I contemplated this book, I tried to nail down what was driving me.
Photo by author
After mapping all my ideas, I set them aside and went back to painting.
Then, when trying to write this post months ago, I went through books and books to gather everyone’s ideas for WHY to write about abuse. I ended up with a list of fifty-four reasons.
I realized that a number of these overlapped. Then I noticed that almost every reason on the list started with a verb — an action.
So I gathered just the verbs themselves on a piece of paper. As I wrote them down, I started to see there were themes. So I grouped the various verbs by the appropriate topic it seemed to belong to.
The “action”
For this post, I decided to focus just on those active verbs. In my typed list, I had a sentence for how I would apply each of those words, or I listed a specific instance where that word applied in my life.
In looking at it all, I realize that my specific examples and sentences aren’t the important thing for readers. The action words are.
A person can read each word. Hold it. Let it sink into their consciousness and see what it brings up for them. To me, the action words are the important point. Because after years of abuse, action to reclaim our lives, our healing, and our worthiness are what matters. At least I think so.
For those who want more elaboration on reasons to write, I recommend the book: Deep Memoir: An Archetypal Approach to Deepen Your Story and Broaden Its Appeal, by Jennifer Leigh Selig, PhD. She has an entire chapter dedicated to reasons to write. And the rest of the book gives even more “mental meat” to chew on for looking at one’s own life as well as the various ways to structure a memoir.
Here are the action verbs I came up with, grouped into the themes that spoke to me:
Get back
Revisit, reclaim, retrieve, rescue
Get rid of
Exorcise, release, purge, banish, shed, set down, stop the story, stop the trauma cycle
Get knowledge
Learn, confront, correct, question, answer, recognize, understand, see
Obtain
Freedom, safety, truth, feelings, power, insights (This is the one group that is nouns)
Change
Transform, transcend, reframe, restory, redirect, remap, reinterpret, reevaluate
Claim agency and power – future focused
Become, discover, thrive, explore, trust, choose, allow, embrace, reconnect, decide, create, live it, own it, name it, decide my meaning and my future course, set intentions and boundaries, liberate, do deeds
Restore and heal my soul
Honor, heal, mourn, witness, give, memorialize, preserve, redeem, forgive, love, accept, help, set free, reconcile, sanctify, beautify
Bring back into the light and into society’s awareness
Tell, speak, voice it, be seen, emerge, make visible, shine awareness on, name it, bring attention to, express
A “Summary of Benefits”
I’m a “bottom-line person.” At the end of any presentation, I love those bulleted lists speakers provide on the last slide to remind everyone, in pithy style, what it is they are supposed to take away from it all.
So, for myself, and my readers, in answer to “Why write?” here are my summary points to consider. And it includes the items from the previous post:
Telling my story does all of the following:
- Breaks the silence and eliminates the secrets surrounding abuse
- Honors my suffering and does not allow it to be forgotten or discounted
- Lets me take control of telling the story. No one can tell my story better than me
- Breaks the power of personal shame and society’s stigma
- Brings public awareness to what I and many others have gone through
- Heals me through that process, and possibly helps any reader to heal
- Validates my and others’ experiences
- Bears witness for those who never survived their abuse, and remembers them
- Gives all of us courage to embrace and live our lives
- Teaches what abusive patterns look like, so others reading the story can learn and seek their own safety and help
- Creates a sense of community among those who read it by showing none of us are alone
- Stops the silence that protects abusers
- Liberates all of us who endured this abuse from the load we have carried, and elevates our worth in society
- Sanctifies our experiences
- Hopefully inspires those who are able to work for societal change to prevent abuse, and help those recovering from it
I think for me, my purpose in writing was to walk with others…I think if I could convey to even one other person that “You do not walk alone,” I will have done my job.
These two quotes have inspired me most:
“The important thing, and what you have to keep your eye on, is the fact that you can write a book that touches people.”
Melanie Brooks, Writing Hard Stories
“If you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.”
Toni Morrison
Up next:
Courage…
Note:
I am seeking financial support to complete my memoir, work with an editor, and make a visit to my home state for fact-checking. Your help would mean the world to me as I take this step toward healing and giving voice to my journey.
Please like, comment, and share this post to help spread the word. The link for my fundraiser is on GoFundMe. Thank you for your support.
Tags: books, healing, life, mental-health, writing
Soul Mosaic 
Leave a comment