Posts Tagged ‘books’

Tools – Writing – Why “Story” and About Structure

June 30, 2026

From the caves of the ancients, to now

So, after all these posts on the “Tools” I use to heal, tools which drove my decision to write, the final question to answer was: “What “form” of writing to use?

For me, it was a simple choice – STORY.

It is a method as old as humans themselves,
the method used around the campfires of ancient hunters and warriors,
the tool heard from caves, to feudal halls, to family hearths.
Story.

Story, in all its ugliness, joy, failure, and success.
Story, not as “happily ever after,”
Story, not as journalistic objective news reporting
because that is never possible.
Story, not as seen by others,
but Story, as what happened to me.

And when you write your own story
you need to put it ALL out there on the table,
see all the bits and scraps, pain and mess,
mistakes and breakthroughs,
spread out before you.
Only then can you start the long hard work
of examining each piece,
and then putting the pieces all back together.
Only then can you see the whole picture,
and what it can teach you.

What is “story?”

Because my academic background is science, not literature, I went looking to people steeped in both writing and psychology for the answer to this question. These were my favorite and most helpful answers:

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Tools – Why Write? The Answer’s in the Words…

June 27, 2026

“You too are driven by the desire to understand, know…beneath your desire for knowledge writhes the hunger to understand and love yourself.”
Gloria E. Anzaldúa’s essay: “now let us shift…the path of conocimiento…inner work, public acts,” in This Bridge We Call Home

Time Passages…

It all started with Al Stewart’s song, “Time Passages,” on the radio. It’s a mellow song that I have heard thousands of times and always enjoy.

On this particular day, the melody and lyrics drifted through the background of my consciousness as I drove along. As usual, I hummed along with some of the familiar words about memories and escapes into the past. But this time, one particular line smacked me with a recognition I’d never had before – the line about things left behind.

Like a lone dancer on a dark stage suddenly framed in a brilliant white-hot spotlight, those words flashed in my brain. Things left behind. THAT’S what this has been about.

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Tools – Art…When You’re Just a Raw Nerve

June 10, 2026

Disciplined, driven, unrelenting

I’ve been reading a book by Jim Collins called What to Make of a Life. Over ten years, he and his team researched hundreds of people to see how they managed the challenges and moments of truth in life by harnessing what he calls “their encodings.” Those are people’s special innate talents held within and waiting for us to discover them. When used in the right moments and circumstances, those encodings propel us to fulfill our destinies and lead rich, satisfying lives.

He writes the book using the stories of matched pairs of individuals from all walks of life. For each particular life path, he showed how each member of the pair got started, found their way professionally and personally, then confronted a “cliff” — a moment of big change. Using their unique encodings, he showed how even very similar people can navigate transitions in very different ways.

It’s a great book and one I find very uplifting. It is heartening to read how even the likes of John Glenn, Carlos Santana, Admiral Grace Hopper, or Led Zeppelin’s Robert Plant can struggle, be enmeshed in a fog of “what next,” even choose poorly, then dig deep within to find their way.

I just finished reading the chapter about writers Toni Morrison and Barbara Tuchman. Morrison, winner of a Pulitzer Prize for fiction and the Nobel Prize in literature, wrote stories about the young black girls that did not seem to exist in any books she had read. So she wrote for herself, to create the stories she wanted to read. Barbara Tuchman was passionate about history and making non-fiction as rich a read as any good novel. Very different women, very different writing. But they were similar in one way.

Both were absolutely passionate about writing. They could not “NOT write. “As Morrison put it, “If all the publishers had disappeared in one night, I would have written anyway.”

And both used the word “compulsion” to describe what drove them to write. It wasn’t self-discipline enforced from outside themselves, but an inner compulsion to keep going for the sheer love and desire to see how their next sentence, paragraph, and story would turn out.

I resonated with these two women because that is exactly the word I would use to describe my attitude toward writing this book — compulsion. I MUST write it. I WANT to write it. I NEED to write it, to follow the story’s lead, to learn what wisdom it will reveal along the way. And I NEED to share it with whoever is supposed to find my story.

So I get up, write, research, and plan every day. And every day I channel a driven energy from somewhere within me. And that energy is always there.

Until lately.

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There’s Always Time for Despair…

May 11, 2026

Overwhelmed

There is that question: “How do you eat an elephant?”
And the answer: “One bite at a time.”

It was the same thing writer Anne Lamott was getting at in her book on writing, Bird by Bird. She tells the story of her brother, who had waited to write his school paper on birds until the night before it was due. Frantic, he asked his father how he would ever get it all done? And the answer was, just write it bird by bird.

In this last section of my memoir, The Undiscovered Country, I am trying to draw to a close the many threads of the previous section, The Old Country. This is the climax, the finale, the meaning, growth, and wisdom part.

While I was writing the deeply painful posts about the abuses in my life, I said to my husband one morning that the writing was “so very hard…it just hurt so much.”

His response, while it sounds harsh, was actually an affirmation of just how well I was doing this work. His comment was delivered with great kindness and encouragement. “I think that is a good thing that it hurts. Not that I wish that for you. But it means you are really hitting the heart of those memories. You’re not just speaking from your brain, but from all those harmed places inside.”

His comment actually gave me relief and the energy to go on.

Buried in binders

When I got through all of those entries, I felt a sense of great…achievement…relief…gratitude. I thought to myself, Well, I’ve made it through the worst of it. Now I just have to draw the threads together and finish. So that should be easier.

Yet, every time I looked at all the folders spread out on that bed, each carrying nuggets of insights on different topics I’d introduced before, I grew more and more tense.

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The Method For This Part of the Book: The “Autopsy”

April 7, 2026

The status of my “lab report”

At the beginning of this memoir, I wrote about the nature of my “journey” and the tools I would need. That first part – The Old Country, the story of my life experiences – was one of exploration…going back. Observing. I needed things from that past, as well as my paintings and journals. I described the process as a lab experiment, which included gathering the supplies, then running the experiment. That part was my revisiting the past to see what was there.

The Undiscovered Country is that part of the experimental process that generates the final lab report and gets at “What did I learn” and possibly, “What have I missed?” It involves assessing, analyzing, and questioning. It often requires some extra research to help with drawing my conclusions.

So, the bed full of folders, books, paintings, journals, and research, and the binders holding the entries for the story of my life, is my overwhelming pile of experimental data. Now, somehow, I have to bring order to it, make sense of it all, and see what it tells me.

I think of this part of the Undiscovered Country as a journey through the Underworld. I have to go where I have not yet been and be willing to stay in the discomfort of not knowing what I will find.

The autopsy

In a way, it is an autopsy. All of the data are the “body to be examined.”

Photo by author

To do an autopsy, first you need a logical, ordered, step-by-step procedure. Here, my procedure is mapped on a chart – my mind map. It lists all those topics laid out on the bed that I need to address, the order in which I will tackle each, and extra notes and reminders for the important points along the way.

Photo by author

Another requirement is autopsy tools. My “scalpels and probes” will include:

  • Questions
  • Action Verbs
  • Extra Research materials: Paintings, journals, books, movies, songs, quotes, whatever it takes to expand on each topic

And the last step requires time: To reflect, to decide, and to write up the results.

The things I write will be that “midrash” – the parts missing from the story itself that add clarity and reveal things not seen before.

So, next up…WHY do it this way?

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 31, 2025
Photo by author

So today is the last day of 2025. And on that note, an especially gentle touch as we go into the New Year. I will be resuming regular postings in the next day or two. But for now:

Today’s Gift Quote:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have the right to be here.” – Max Ehrmann from Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 30, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 29, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” – Michel de Montaigne

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 28, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.” Anon

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 27, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections”.

Ziad K. Abdelnour

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb