Posts Tagged ‘memoir’

Tool – The “Small” Matter of Time

May 31, 2026

This tool does not require a lot of words. Yet do not consider the brevity of this post an indication that it is not that important. Other than attitude, it is the most important one of all. To show no awareness of what it means is to throw away a most precious gift:

Time.

I’ve read a number of books by a YouTube podcaster, Ryan Holiday. He writes and speaks about a 2000-year-old philosophy called Stoicism. And that ancient philosophy couldn’t be more relevant for extracting meaning in every moment, today.

People often hear the word “stoic” and mistake it for taking on the world with no emotions and a hard, outer shell. It is the opposite. In some ways, it mirrors many teachings of Buddhism, Taoism, and many other ancient paths to wisdom. It is about living as fully as possible in the present moment; about knowing what is in your power to do or control and doing it without procrastination. And it is also about knowing what you can’t control, and letting that go.

But most of all, its most valuable message can be summed up in two Latin words, two words that say it all:

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There’s Always Time for Despair…

May 11, 2026

Overwhelmed

There is that question: “How do you eat an elephant?”
And the answer: “One bite at a time.”

It was the same thing writer Anne Lamott was getting at in her book on writing, Bird by Bird. She tells the story of her brother, who had waited to write his school paper on birds until the night before it was due. Frantic, he asked his father how he would ever get it all done? And the answer was, just write it bird by bird.

In this last section of my memoir, The Undiscovered Country, I am trying to draw to a close the many threads of the previous section, The Old Country. This is the climax, the finale, the meaning, growth, and wisdom part.

While I was writing the deeply painful posts about the abuses in my life, I said to my husband one morning that the writing was “so very hard…it just hurt so much.”

His response, while it sounds harsh, was actually an affirmation of just how well I was doing this work. His comment was delivered with great kindness and encouragement. “I think that is a good thing that it hurts. Not that I wish that for you. But it means you are really hitting the heart of those memories. You’re not just speaking from your brain, but from all those harmed places inside.”

His comment actually gave me relief and the energy to go on.

Buried in binders

When I got through all of those entries, I felt a sense of great…achievement…relief…gratitude. I thought to myself, Well, I’ve made it through the worst of it. Now I just have to draw the threads together and finish. So that should be easier.

Yet, every time I looked at all the folders spread out on that bed, each carrying nuggets of insights on different topics I’d introduced before, I grew more and more tense.

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The Method For This Part of the Book: The “Autopsy”

April 7, 2026

The status of my “lab report”

At the beginning of this memoir, I wrote about the nature of my “journey” and the tools I would need. That first part – The Old Country, the story of my life experiences – was one of exploration…going back. Observing. I needed things from that past, as well as my paintings and journals. I described the process as a lab experiment, which included gathering the supplies, then running the experiment. That part was my revisiting the past to see what was there.

The Undiscovered Country is that part of the experimental process that generates the final lab report and gets at “What did I learn” and possibly, “What have I missed?” It involves assessing, analyzing, and questioning. It often requires some extra research to help with drawing my conclusions.

So, the bed full of folders, books, paintings, journals, and research, and the binders holding the entries for the story of my life, is my overwhelming pile of experimental data. Now, somehow, I have to bring order to it, make sense of it all, and see what it tells me.

I think of this part of the Undiscovered Country as a journey through the Underworld. I have to go where I have not yet been and be willing to stay in the discomfort of not knowing what I will find.

The autopsy

In a way, it is an autopsy. All of the data are the “body to be examined.”

Photo by author

To do an autopsy, first you need a logical, ordered, step-by-step procedure. Here, my procedure is mapped on a chart – my mind map. It lists all those topics laid out on the bed that I need to address, the order in which I will tackle each, and extra notes and reminders for the important points along the way.

Photo by author

Another requirement is autopsy tools. My “scalpels and probes” will include:

  • Questions
  • Action Verbs
  • Extra Research materials: Paintings, journals, books, movies, songs, quotes, whatever it takes to expand on each topic

And the last step requires time: To reflect, to decide, and to write up the results.

The things I write will be that “midrash” – the parts missing from the story itself that add clarity and reveal things not seen before.

So, next up…WHY do it this way?

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 31, 2025
Photo by author

So today is the last day of 2025. And on that note, an especially gentle touch as we go into the New Year. I will be resuming regular postings in the next day or two. But for now:

Today’s Gift Quote:

“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have the right to be here.” – Max Ehrmann from Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 30, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 29, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” – Michel de Montaigne

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 28, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.” Anon

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 27, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections”.

Ziad K. Abdelnour

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 26, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.” – Stephen Chbosky

Brene Brown

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb

Today’s Holiday Gift Post

December 25, 2025
Photo by author

Today’s Gift Quote:

“You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to take a break.” Anon

“It’s not your job to be everything to everyone.” Anon

My “gift posts”

While I am away from my desk, I will leave “daily gift posts” for all.

When I return, I will resume my memoir posts.

In the meantime, a reminder of the purpose of this blog:

This blog is my way of honoring what I lived through and had to do to reach “today” in as healthy a way as possible.

The posts here tell the story of the pain I’ve carried because my life was not whole.

It wasn’t whole because I’ve had so many questions and no answers. All I’ve had was the confusion of a lifetime, because so much of my life was in broken fragments I could not make sense of.

So this blog, which I hope to form into a memoir for publication, is my journey to find answers. It is my way to piece the fragments back together, see the whole picture, and find the understanding that brings healing.

While I write for myself, I am also writing to give to anyone else who wants it, an example of this kind of journey. It is not the only way, but it is my way.

And I write to bear witness to the pain of so many others harmed by abuse of any kind, especially for those who can’t tell their story…or those who didn’t live to tell their story.

Lastly, I offer it all here in the hope that it helps another not to feel alone as they do their own life’s work.

With love

Deb