Posts Tagged ‘mental-health’

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

The Most Important Tool: “Right Mind”

April 23, 2026

That path…

For ten years, I studied Buddhism. It helped me release some of my fears. My anger at God. It gave me a new way to look at what happened to me. How to understand and embrace pain in life. And it gave me a path toward healing and opening my heart.

That path was called the “Eightfold Path” in reference to the eight steps one could take to learn, grow, and heal. When I wrote the title above, I immediately flashed back to that Buddhist training and realized that more than a couple of those steps applied here.

Not a bitch session

The journey through this part of my writing is a journey into the unknown. It winds through darkness and descent, into that “soul’s underworld” spoken of in mythology and religion — the journey for understanding, meaning, transformation, and rebirth. In a bit, I’ll write more about that “Descent to the Underworld,” and what my journey there taught me. But first, I’ll revisit those Buddhist tools.

I call this piece “Right Mind” because it’s essential that I approach this whole phase of the book in the right way if I want to find peace. This part is not a bitch session or a blind casting of rage and blame. For sure, I won’t let anyone off the hook, and that includes myself. But there is just raging, and then there is a balanced review of what life has been and what it can teach.

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

Addendum to the “Order Post” – Reclaiming the Bed…

April 17, 2026

In the previous post, I described my process to use “order” in this last section of the book to reach all the meaning and insights.

I showed this image of a bed covered with folders and notes, which I described as “all my clues” to who I am, at heart, and who I am becoming. That bed, with all those items, is my “power base” for healing.

Photo by author

But it was my husband who REALLY nailed a symbolism that I totally missed.

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

Using Order To Revel in Chaos, So I Can Find a New Order?

April 15, 2026

I’ve been quiet the last few days with no new posts. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a lot of “incubation” and “percolation” going on. What was born of all that work is a possible path now through this last section of the book-writing.

Order so you can revel in chaos?

Yesterday, I listened to a podcast by writer Ryan Holiday. His focus, both in his books and speeches, is on the philosophy of Stoicism. I’ll speak more of that later, but for now, its basic premises involve being aware of your mortality, not wasting precious time, and focusing on what is in your power to control while letting go of things that aren’t. But it was one thing he said in the podcast that nailed where I am at in my writing process right now.

This last phase of my book feels like a chaos. There are so many threads that my life story has raised, and now I need to draw them together into meaningful insights and answers. But looking at the piles of paintings and folders scattered before me in this picture, I just wondered — where do I start? How do I do this well…logically…and give my readers meaning?

NOTE: All photos below are by the author

Holiday, in his podcast, talked about the need to have an orderly workspace. Because if you can organize your workspace and materials, then you are free to dive into the chaos that is the actual work. Order is what makes being in chaos possible. It sounds counterintuitive, but it made total sense to me.

The piles on the bed in my workroom are the chaos I’ve always felt in my life. They are the reason I needed to write, the clues to solve the mystery that is me: How to understand my life, and answer questions like, “How did I survive, why, and what does it all mean?” So I know that my ultimate truths and peace are in those folders. But HOW to access that?

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

A “Course Correction” on the “Autopsy” Metaphor

April 8, 2026

Emerging from the cornfield

Yesterday’s post compared this part of the work to performing an autopsy and writing the final report. But while it “can work,” it didn’t feel quite right. While it is a logical metaphor given my science background, it is too “left-brained, cerebral. What is really needed is a much more emotional and soulful one.

Instead, I keep coming back to this part of the book being the Midrash. The “extra part” that adds the soulful pieces that the story couldn’t tell.

It’s funny, but as I was sensing these things, my husband came to me and questioned the autopsy metaphor, too. He correctly pointed out that I am not dead, not by a long shot, nor is my story done. “You are a survivor,” he said, like a person who was in a symbolic “plane crash.” “And out of the rubble, smoke, debris, and bodies, somehow you walked out of that carnage toward the helpers and are still embracing life.”

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

2008 – The Break, Part I: The Present and Past Collide, With a Vengeance

March 12, 2026

Painting by author

Unglued

In 1984, I was walking every night, trying not to kill myself. I had to start life all over again.
In 2008, I was afraid to get off the couch, and having an emotional breakdown. And again, I was having to start life over.

Both times, I was at the end of my rope, hanging by a thread, not wanting to be dead, but wondering what else there was in life, and if I had any value.

I was consumed by a level of anxiety I’d never experienced before. It was so bad, I was afraid to get out of bed in the morning — dreaded starting another day of pain. But I was too afraid to stay in bed. Yet I couldn’t wait for the day to be over so I could get back in bed, and when I did, I only felt safe on my stomach, propped up on elbows, watching the same video over and over again on a small portable player while Ed watched TV.

Almost every night for months, it was the Pixar movie, “A Bug’s Life.” It was safe, all the ants worked together, and there was nothing scary or provocative. And the best part, the part I wanted to be in, was the big sleeping chamber where all the ants rested, sleeping safely and comfortably in their little hammocks. It was snuggly, all of them there together, safe from any threats. Just the security of being there together with all of their friends. I so wished I could live with them.

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

The Warrior Years – Battling Dad – Part I

February 21, 2026

“She would of been a good woman,” The Misfit said, “if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life.”

Flannery O’Connor, story, “A Good Man is Hard to Find”

He woulda been a good man if…

It was that same book I was given by one of my elementary school nuns from her college English course. The one that opened my mind to the wide new world of literature. The one I drank up like it was water, and I was dying of thirst.

There was that one story in the book, though, by Flannery O’Connor, called “A Good Man is Hard to Find.” I was both repelled by it because of its violence and unwillingly, but powerfully drawn to it. I could never let it go. All my life, it gnawed at me, but I never knew why.

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

The Warrior Years – Time Out for a Definition – What is a Family System?

February 19, 2026

A need for clarity

Before I go on with my story, I need to clarify something.

As I write, I usually speak of my “family,” either in terms of my husband, son, and myself, or my family of origin – my household growing up. And I try to be mindful to be clear who I mean in each specific instance.

But I will also sometimes mention the “family system,” and it occurs to me I never explained what I mean by that. So, before I continue the story, a clarification is in order.

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

The Warrior Years – What About Women?

February 14, 2026

Rebirth

As impossible as it may have seemed, we made it. Despite managing marriage, parenthood, jobs, caring for his parents, and fighting mine… despite all the odds, Ed and I stuck with therapy, and it started working.

In looking back at my journal entries and talking with Ed about all the things I’ve written here, we both just shook our heads. Both of us agree that we don’t know how we did it, and that it is flat-out amazing that we made it through those years. But we did. And we are both deeply grateful now.

As our love and marriage grew stronger, it would show up in small ways. It was especially telling on one occasion when we bought a new tree for the front yard of our home. Our son said that because the tree was part of our family, it needed a name. So he promptly called it “Ralph.” I have no idea why.

But then Ed spoke up and added to its name the words, “the passion tree.” Ralph, The Passion Tree. I looked at him, and he just said, “Ralph is a symbol of our growth…a testament to the changes that are happening in both of us, and in our marriage.”

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

The Warrior Years – The “Onion” That is Therapy

February 12, 2026

These current entries are taking more time and thought to write. There were so many things going on simultaneously during those years, complicated and all knotted together. In order to share something meaningful and coherent, I have needed to reflect deeply and not rush the process.

In the last two pieces I wrote, I spoke of my husband and me managing many priorities, and just finishing the marriage-skills classes, as well as my finally ending a friendship that was not working.

To continue with the story thread, I will begin with the onion that is “therapy.”

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

The Warrior Years – Marriage – 1 – “The Breaking”

February 2, 2026

Is it possible to go from an abusive household with no role modeling for healthy relationship skills and have a successful marriage?

I can’t answer for anyone else. I can only say, for us, it was not a given, no matter how much we loved each other.

Is it even relevant?

What do you say about the issues in your early years of marriage, when you are writing about them from 40+ years out? From having navigated struggles and joys, successes, near-death episodes, and all that life can throw at you? When I think of who we were back then compared to now, we were almost more like strangers.

So does it even feel relevant to look back?

(more…)

Tags:, , , ,
Posted in Memoir - sexual abuse trauma recovery | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »