A glimpse at “the me of today”
So who am I now? That is the focus of this Rubedo section. What have I learned? Have I changed? Have I healed? How?
I have a bunch of folders with scribbled notes I am organizing as we speak. Those are my “source material” to consider. The thoughts on those notes came up all throughout my writing process. But since they were more for the end of the draft, I would scribble them down and toss them in the folders. It will now be interesting to see how the “me of then” who wrote those notes compares to the “me of now” who has finally reached the point to consider them.
I know there will be a difference, because I feel so different after all the writing of this past year and a half. Hence, this will be a journey of discovery. Pleasant discovery, I think.
Before I dig into serious topics, I will start with joy. The me of the present moment is not just serious and introspective, but also joyful, curious, and in awe of so many things.
So I will start with one of my “Moments of Respite.” In the past, these were any kind of distraction to help me survive Dad’s raging abuse episodes. They were always about hyperfocusing on some small overlooked aspect of my surroundings that I could escape into. Now, though, they are more about embracing my wonder and joy at the world around me.
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